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Lesbian fans pick their favourite women of sci-fi
Submitted by Capt. Xerox on April 28, 2008 - 10:46pm.
LesbiaNation, as the name would suggest, is a website of interest to lesbians. They recently asked their site visitors to pick their favourite women in science fiction and came up with this top 10 list. I agree with a lot of the names on the list, but where the heck is Sigourney Weaver as Ripley in the Alien movies?
Meanwhile, the lesbians at About Womyn have come up with this list of 5 things they never understood about Star Trek. I'm amazed that they could narrow it down to just 5 items. I could come up with triple that amount, but maybe I'll save that for another time.
On their "misunderstood" list was the universal translator, but if you believe this scientist, he thinks we will be able to come up with such a device to be able to speak with aliens. I'd like to see them perfect one so that humans could speak to each other first. I think it might go a long way to solving a lot of our problems.
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StarTrek Devices that would make more sense.
What we need, if you ask me (and no one has - Ed) is a combination "People-Say-Dunderheaded-Shiiteheaded-Things" slash "Don't Panic!" translator device.
or not so much a universal word translator as an:
Universal Motive-and-Intent Translator!
*pause*
Some Women/Womyn (and/or Myn -Ed) could have the thing set to perpetually report "WARNING! S/he's PMS'ing, do NOT take her comments too personally at this time, but also do not for the love of your testicles, make light of what she's saying at this time either, basically just agree a lot and if you do somehow find yourself in the middle of an argumet despite your having actively tried to avoid one, just PANIC!"
.."or jog around her in a circle a few times and then run away screaming - I find that works best."
The male (bi and/or butch dyke) equivalent of PMSing takes place right after our team loses yet another shot at the Stanley Cup. Where it's a safe bet that if you are a car, you will probably be turned over and lit on fire. So the solution there is not to be a car.
The Avante Guardian. ---- Einstein's Hair^2 //Approved.
[more] StarTrek Devices That Would Make More Sense
Interesting, the more I O.D on aspirin, the more the world seems not entirely unhilarious.
Right, so.
StarTrek Devices That Would Make More Sense:
1. (the aforementioned - Ed) Motive & Intent Universal Translator aka The female and male PMS we-don't-always-mean-what-we-say-and-we're-not-always-sane-you-know Star Trek 'Tude-Detector.
2. A battle bridge that isn't located right IN THE CENTER OF THE SAUCER SECTION AND HULL, where even a blind man tossing a dart haphazzardly would have a fairly decent shot at registering a direct hit and wiping out the command crew.
3. That should be (treated as a) view-screen monitor on the bridge, not a window that opens onto space.
Especially not if kids from Montreal are allowed anywhere near the bridge window. Because you just know they'd break the "for your safety this window opens only THIS far" tab and everyone on the bridge would come down with an ear infection.
P.S: "Seatbelts" made a brief UN-canon Cameo aboard The U.S.S Enterprise at the end of Star Trek: Nemesis ..during the deleted scenes. IIRC Captain Picard's comment was "about time".
But is it about time? I don't know how practical seatbelts are on a starship. Considering the G forces involved if the stabilizers and inertial dampeners go offline (and if the starship's OS is writ by Microsoft you can bet they will - Ed) I don't think you'd want to be strapped in and taking the force directly onto your constrained and tensed skeletal structure.
IIRC Crash experts seem to agree that after certain velocities and force levels, you may be better off not being constrained by a seatbelt. Ultimately The trick to minimizing damage to your body is purportedly NOT to tense up. One man was thrown around by a hurricane and survived, others dropped from insane levels (hundreds of feet) and according to experts, the reason these people survive is because they were either unconscious (and therefore limber) or were otherwise UNtense during impact.
Seatbelts might be good if you're driving a Ronco Starship capable of a max of 90 mph but otherwise, I wouldn't trust em.
The Avante Guardian. ---- Einstein's Hair^2 //Approved.
"It might go a long way to solve many of our problems".
Not Very Likely...
Babel Fish
The Babel Fish is small, yellow and leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy not from its carrier, but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the conscious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the brain which has supplied them. The practical upshot of all this is that if you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language. The speech patterns you actually hear decode the brainwave matrix which has been fed into your mind by your Babel fish.
The Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.
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